Countdown to the New Me

July 10, 2009

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Image by angelsk via Flickr

It is just five-and-a-half weeks until my big trip to the West Coast where, along with the beauty of San Francisco and the drive down the coast to LA, I will also be seeing friends I haven’t seen in many, many years. I am so excited! And, also, nervous. Thinking about seeing friends from college makes me think about college, and me in college, and how I looked in college and the ensuing years in NYC. And then that makes me think about how, somewhere along the journey from 20 to 40, things changed and Me now does not look like Me in my twenties.

Apparently, I have “aged,” but whatever – the point is this: I have 38 days to get everything back to the way it was 20 years ago.

I will need to start by losing 10-12 pounds. To that end, I have cut back on my wine consumption, which I have identified as the black cloud in the otherwise clear sky of my diet. (Truly, as far as meals go, I do pretty well. Yogurt and fruit for breakfast, grilled meat and fresh veggies for dinner. We all know I have a wicked sweet tooth but if you tell me that a couple tiny Ginger Snaps from Trader Joe’s at 10:30pm is my downfall, I will…well, I probably wont’ do anything. Yeah, I’m actually certain that I won’t.)

So, yes, I have cut back! The decrease in intake may be subtle – it may even be what some people call “negligible” – but I’m going for it and I’m enthused and expecting results! Any day now.

I also, as you may have read on Facebook, went jogging a few days ago. Jogging is something I do every 14 years or so, just to make sure that I can. It usually works out okay – I jog a mile-and-a-half or so, and then once I’m feeling confident that I could run on a regular basis if I wanted to, I stop and don’t do it again for the next 14 years.

You know when brides-to-be decide that they will use the wedding as the reason why they will finally lose that extra 10 pounds? Yeah, that never works. So, you know what? Screw it. if I haven’t lost the ten pounds in the four years since I had a baby, I’m not going to lose it before this trip. I will just buy bigger clothing.

Since I’m not going to lose weight, I should really concentrate on these wrinkles. I have significant wrinkles all around my eyes which I swear all appeared during just this last year (that actually makes total sense and is not at all shocking) and I am guessing I will need some really expensive eye cream to fix them. Expensive eye cream is a great example of Something I Would Have Bought a Year Ago, when I had a job and cash (other examples would be, uhm, hard cover books, clothing from Anthropologie, and frequent massages). (Hey, remember when people had cash and went out to dinner and bought stuff? I miss that. That was fun.)

Okay, so screw it, I’m not going to order some stupid eye cream that probably won’t work anyway, so I’m going to just go with the wrinkles and I can wear some of those big-ass sunglasses (speaking of big ass – wait, no, we covered that). So I’ll be a little chubby and I’ll have the wrinkles. But you know what I can do? I can whiten my teeth.

I know some people do the fancy teeth whitening at the dentist or the salon. I’m not one of those people. I am talking Crest Whitening strips, which I will probably forget to do until the night before the trip, which is actually fine since no over-the-counter whitener is going to do anything to counteract the red wine and coffee that I drink daily. When you get right down to it, I’m sure you’d agree that I shouldn’t even waste my money.

I did make an appointment to get a hair cut and color a few days before the trip. And I will sneak in a pedicure and brow waxing, too. I don’t need to worry too much about the hair situation because I have a great hairdresser who I’ve gone to for years and there was only the one “Pat Benetar” incident, and that was so many years ago, I’m certain that nothing like that will happen on the week of my very big trip. As for the brow waxing, really, what could possibly go wrong there?

So, West Coast friends, when you see me in August, please look down at my toes, which will very likely look just as they did twenty years ago.

What’s that you say? You, too, are less taut, with, perhaps, a vein here and there on the leg and a bunion from time to time? What once was up is now down?! This is excellent news! I am so, so excited to see you all soon.

  • You look great. Stop worrying. The clock is running for all of us!

  • Andrea

    So funny! How come I didn't get an alert that you had a new post, though? (PS at least your hair isn't falling out in clumps like mine is. Or is it?)

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