Television. For Kids?

It’s been a rough February over here at Casa Carrigg Cancel, for one of us in particular: the small one. Caralena started off the month with the usual winter-in-New-England cold’n'cough combo. That got super-sized into a double ear-infection with fever, and it was all capped off by the appearance of the annual Vomit Comet — which, at that point, was really adding insult to injury.

Along with school absences, midnight laundry sessions, and trips to the store for more popsicles, there’s been another big side effect of illness: We have watched more kids’ TV in the past few weeks than we usually watch in many months.

And when I say “we,” I do mean both of us; when my kid is sick, she does not want me out of her sight. Together, we watched the good, the bad, and the ugly — everything from “WordGirl” and “Martha Speaks,” to “Dora the Explorer” and “Go, Diego, Go!,” to “The Fresh Beat Band,” a show that on a never-ending loop could possibly be an alternative to waterboarding.

As the days went by in a blur, I found myself wondering things like: Did Laurie Berkner specifically choose those phenomenally dorky back-up singers so that she would seem vaguely cool? Does anyone else think that a character named Handy Manny sounds like he needs to register with the local police department? Where are Max and Ruby’s parents? And, did the sloth from “It’s a Big, Big World” just smoke a big, big fatty?

More importantly, though, I observed that while there are some really good shows for kids in the say, under-six-or-seven-year-old range, there seems to be nothing of value for kids as they get older. Why do we go from truly quality options for younger kids (“Little Bear” is a sweet show, and I haven’t even mentioned “Sesame Street!”) to All Sponge Bob, all the time?

Maybe you’re shaking your heads, thinking, “You pathetic excuse for a parent! Get rid of that idiot box! Don’t let your kid watch all that crap!” Well, for the record, I don’t plan to let her watch those yucky Disney shows where slack-jawed girls look horrified as they say things like, “Wait — you mean I just signed up for a book group?!” (I now make a point of pausing on the Disney channel if I am flipping through the channels and I swear it is always a joke like this. I also heard one girl say something like, “No wonder smart people are so grumpy!”)

But if you’ve read any of my previous posts you must know me at least a little by now. Dig it: I am an “Everything in moderation” kind of girl. So, I have got to believe that there’s a middle ground, somewhere between a Hannah Montana marathon and killing my television.

And furthermore, I like my television; it’s where I watch shows like “Top Chef,” “Modern Family,” and, lately, the Olympics. I have no problem with Caralena watching some TV at the end of a day that’s been filled with school and friends and learning and fun.

I know that as kids get older there is homework and after-school activities and less time for TV anyway, but even if you only allow your child to watch a show on Saturday evenings, it’s still an issue if there is nothing but total crap to watch.

So, I ask those of you with older children, is there really nothing out there? There is PBS Kids and Noggin’ for the younger set; how can there not be a station for the slightly older kids? (Please don’t say Disney — are we really okay with that being the only option?) Why does PBS not have shows for the slightly older kids and tweens?

Am I being grossly naive; is the answer that there is no station because, without commercial advertisers, it could not exist? Has anyone ever experimented with a model that would charge for quality kids’ programming without commercials? Am I the only one who would pay for that? Or do your older kids just watch movies?

Or did you get disgusted and actually get rid of your television? Who knows, maybe I’ll end up doing the same. For now, it’s back to our regularly scheduled February. I hope it will be illness-free from here on out. I can’t take any more of “The Fresh Beat Band.”